Exploring Social Wellness

The fourth post in the Exploring Wellness series is all about Social Wellness. In the previous post, we learned that our connection to the universe and to our higher selves contributed to our spiritual wellness.

This post will explore the connection between ourselves and those around us. Our relationships with our family, friends, and even pets, are huge contributors to our overall health and well-being.

Relationships

Humans are tribal creatures. We are meant to coexist with other humans. Not only for practical reasons, like sharing the workload or protection, but for social support.

In fact, humans domesticated wolves to serve this purpose. “Man’s best friend” was bred to not only work alongside us, but for companionship.

“The one absolute, unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world—the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous—is his dog.”
George Graham Vest

We need connection with other beings to meet our basic needs, like approval, companionship, and community, but also for coping during times of crisis.

Support System

Generally speaking, a support system is a network of individuals or groups who provide emotional comfort and empathy, and/or assistance is times of need. This could be a friend who listens without judgement when you’re upset, a neighbor who offers to watch your little ones when you get called in to work, or an emotional support animal who helps calm your anxiety. Having group affiliations, like a monthly book club or walking group is also important to foster your sense of belonging and community.

These are people (and animals) you trust and can rely on. The degree to which you have these relationships, has a big impact on your health and well-being.

People who have a healthy support system and feel a sense of belonging enjoy:

Less stress and more resilience
Improved heart health and immune function
Protection against disease and illness, like cancer, diabetes, and stroke
Higher self-esteem
Increased likelihood of reaching personal goals

A long, healthy, and happy life

Those who have healthy, close-knit relationships with family, friends, or community have better overall health and live longer than those who do not.

There is a ton of research around this topic, but my two favorites are the Harvard Study of Adult Development and the concept of “Blue Zones” developed by Dan Buettner. Both of these studies explore what enables some people to live such long, healthy, happy lives and each concluded that quality relationships is one of the highest contributors.

Quality Relationships

In order to have a positive social connection with someone, you need to have a positive view of yourself. Our self-image is often developed by our social interactions. We view how others treat us and respond to our actions, then formulate an opinion based on that perception.

Negative interactions lead to low self-esteem, which can produce some attitudes and behaviors that inhibit healthy relationships. Some of these include; jealousy, fear of rejection, perfectionism, people-pleasing tendencies, oversensitivity, resentment, and dishonesty.

This is why it is so important to surround yourself with people you trust and can have healthy interactions with.

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

Balance of individual and joint interests
Mutual trust, respect, and affection
Mutual and realistic expectations
Ability to be authentic
Open, honest communication
Effective ways to resolve conflict

Healthy Communication

Many of our negative interactions come from miscommunication. Taking the time to actually hear what someone is trying to tell you instead of jumping to conclusions or thinking about your response will give you a much clearer understanding.

Actively listen. This means you are looking directly at the other person and focused on what they are saying without judging or evaluating.

Respond rather than react. Take time to think about what you want to say rather than just letting random words fall out of your mouth. This is especially important when emotions are running high.

Avoid offering unsolicited advice. Unless someone explicitly asks what you think or what they should do, keep your opinions to yourself. Your job as a support person is to listen and empathize. “That really stinks. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

Most of the time, we just want to be heard and have our feelings validated. Having someone tell you not to worry about it or tell you how to fix it, can minimize the hurt or cause resistance.

Be honest, but kind. So many people “speak their truth” without regard to the other person’s feelings. You can be honest without deliberately hurting someone.

Own your feelings and keep it specific. Use “I” statements to convey how you feel. For example, “I felt hurt and unimportant when you made plans on our date night” instead of “you always choose your friends over me”. Sometimes people need to see you vulnerable in order to understand how their actions affect you. Plus, accusing someone may only inflame the situation, causing more anger and hurt.

10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation

Connecting

Exploring your Social Wellness, means taking a look at your relationships and making some changes, if necessary.

Work for it. Spend time cultivating the relationships that are important to you. Maybe this means making a better effort to show someone you care (like your significant other or mother) or repairing damaged relationships.

Learn to let go. Sometimes that means letting go of certain people or groups that no longer serve a purpose or have a negative impact on your life.

Reach out. Take time to reach out to people from your past or look for a new tribe. This isn’t always easy, but keep at it until you find the right fit. Look for people with the same interests and core values as you.

Remember, the number of relationships we have is much less important than the quality.

Social Media & Technology

A word of caution. Social media platforms are wonderful for connecting friends and family separated by distance. Even now, while we are in the middle of the COVID-19 global pandemic, tools like Zoom have become our connection with loved ones. But this shouldn’t be the norm.

If we’re not careful, we’ll find ourselves becoming more and more socially isolated without even realizing it. How many of your social interactions come from a smartphone or computer?

Remember, social distancing is not the same as self-isolation. As long as you are acting responsibly, you can find ways to connect.

A text is no substitution for sitting together on the porch, meeting family for Sunday brunch, or going for a walk with a friend.

Now, more than ever we can feel the importance of having close relationships. There are many lessons to be learned through this pandemic, but our relationships with loved ones should be the most important.