How To Improve Emotional Wellness
It’s no secret that we are living in stressful times. In this post, we’re talking about how to improve emotional wellness.
We’ve all had those days where you feel like you’re an emotional mess.
Maybe you’re feeling super sensitive or defensive, or spiraling out of control over something small. You could be quick to tears or anger. Biting everyone’s heads-off and/or flipping the bird to the little old man who cut you off in traffic.
Your thoughts go from rational to irrational in the blink of an eye and you find yourself thinking that the universe is out to get you or imagining the worst case scenario or spending your day worrying about how you’ll deal with the impending catastrophe.
Maybe you are full of rage or resentment and just can’t move on.
Feeling Out of Control
When your emotions are out of control, you don’t feel like yourself — or maybe you feel like the worst version of yourself. You say or do things you later regret.
We are living in stressful times. Life will always be full of hassles, unpredictability, and tragedy, but it feels magnified right now.
Finding healthy, positive ways to deal with your emotions and cope with chaos and uncertainty sometimes feels impossible.
Luckily, mental health and emotional wellness is a big part of the conversation today, and that’s a really good thing.
The more we talk about this struggle, the more we overcome the stigma, the more we recognize the importance, and the more people feel comfortable getting the help they need.
First, let’s clarify what we are talking about here.
Mental Health vs. Emotional Wellness
According to the 2018 WHO definition, Mental Health “is a state of well-being in which an individual realizes his or her own abilities, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and is able to make a contribution to his or her community.”
Learn More: Mental Health: Strengthening Our Response
Emotional Wellness is the ability to recognize or identify, and experience, the full range of human emotion. It is also the ability to effectively control those emotions instead of being controlled by them.
Learn More: Exploring Emotional Wellness
Personally, I like this purposed definition of mental health from the official journal of the World Psychiatric Association:
“Mental health is a dynamic state of internal equilibrium which enables individuals to use their abilities in harmony with universal values of society. Basic cognitive and social skills; ability to recognize, express and modulate one’s own emotions, as well as empathize with others; flexibility and ability to cope with adverse life events and function in social roles; and harmonious relationship between body and mind represent important components of mental health which contribute, to varying degrees, to the state of internal equilibrium.”
In this post, we are focusing on how to improve emotional wellness, specifically, how to better manage and process your emotions, which as you can see will help your mental health.
It’s important to note that having good mental health or emotional wellness does not mean you are happy all the time, or a constantly upbeat, positive person, but that you have the ability to experience the full range of human emotions and are able to identify, process, and manage those emotions effectively.
Easier said than done, right?
In today’s post, we’re reviewing a few steps you can take to improve your emotional wellness.
9 Steps to Improve Your Emotional Wellness
1. Practice Regular Relaxation And Stress Management
It’s really hard to control your emotions when you are experiencing stress. The stress response magnifies what you’re feeling and when you add increased breathing and heart rate, it’s no wonder we can fly off the handle at the smallest provocation.
When you regularly practice relaxation and find effective ways to manage stress and daily hassles, you’ll be putting yourself in a better position to deal with your emotional responses. In fact, you’ll be able to slow down and take time to process before you act.
2. Own Your Emotions
Sometimes we dismiss how we feel. For women especially, at times it seems like we need to downplay how we feel in order to be taken seriously. Being “emotional” is a stereotype that is incredibly unfair and demeaning.
Having emotional control does not mean suppressing how you feel, but being able to actively process your emotions and have some control over your subsequent actions. This is a much healthier approach to life, rather than bottling everything up to only have it explode at an inopportune moment. Remember, that regret I was talking about?
3. Practice Emotional Processing
Learn to correctly identify your emotions and consider what exactly is causing the response. Once you’ve taken some time to evaluate your feelings, you can make a conscious decision about what action — if any — to take.
Check the steps below for processing your emotions:
4. Feel Your Emotions
Once you’ve taken time to process what you are feeling and why, allow yourself time and space to actually feel your emotions. Invite them in and sit with them for a while. I love this poem:
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
Because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Jellaludin Rumi,
Translation by Coleman Barks
There is no need to rush through your emotional processing. In fact, we are so conditioned to believe that we must feel happy and positive all the time, that we can stifle some pretty intense emotions just to feel “right” again.
It’s when we don’t take the time to deal with our emotions that they can spill out into other parts of our lives.
5. Learn To Control Your Thoughts
This may seem counterintuitive to feel your emotions, but there is a distinct difference here.
Your emotional response is something that happens when confronted with a situation and cannot be controlled, but your thoughts about the situation can be controlled.
The difference is when we allow our thoughts to go from logical and rational, to illogical and irrational.
We allow our personal filters to cloud reality. Our past experiences, self-image, even general outlook on life give us this unique perception of reality. We see things differently. This can lead to a breakdown in communication or promote negative thoughts and feelings about yourself or another person that can be hard to overcome.
Luckily, you can learn to stop or interrupt these types of thoughts.
When you notice that your thoughts are running amok, literally tell yourself to “STOP”. You can say it in your mind or out loud. Remind yourself that this train of thought is not helpful. Revisit your emotional processing. Identify what you are feeling and explore why you are feeling that way. Allow yourself to feel it, then begin to let it go and move on.
6. Try Reframing The Situation
Instead of getting angry at the person who cut you off in traffic, accept that you are only upset because you thought your life was in danger. It’s a totally logical and rational response. Speeding up alongside and yelling profanity out your window as you cut them off, is not.
Instead of focusing on what did or could have happened, consider it from a different perspective.
Focus on your stellar driving skills that allowed you to avoid a collision. Good thing you weren’t driving too close to the care in front of you, right?
Maybe the person driving was distracted by bad news or desperately needed to get to a bathroom.
You could also remind yourself that humans are not perfect. We make mistakes. Most of the time we can squeak by with no harm done, but sometimes those mistakes are costly.
By holding on to those negative feelings and letting them control your reactions you’re only hurting yourself. YOU will be the one to suffer the damaging effects of prolonged stress.
7. Practice Empathy, Compassion, And Forgiveness
This can be incredibly difficult when you are consumed with anger and resentment.
But that’s just it — when you continue to hold on to the anger and intense emotions associated with a transgression against you, it doesn’t affect the other NEARLY as much as it hurts you. It keeps you locked in the past and unable to move forward. Especially, if you are waiting for justice or vengeance.
Take time to consider the thoughts and feelings of another. We are not perfect and we are all on different journeys. Because you are reading this post, I know that you are interested in personal development and see the importance of health and wellness. Some people are just not there yet. This is YOUR journey, not theirs.
When you take the step to forgive someone or let go of a situation, it releases YOU from the hold those emotions have over you. It allows you to take control once again. It’s not about the other — it’s about you.
This goes for yourself as well. You deserve compassion and forgiveness. You deserve the chance to start anew.
“I will greet this day with a forgiving spirit.” Andy Andrews (The Traveler’s Gift, The Seven Decisions)
8. Find A Constructive Way To Process Your Emotions And Release Emotional Tension
Emotional energy needs to be released. Positive energy looks more like a laugh, kiss, or “Woohooo!!” But we yell, curse, throw things, punch, kick, stomp, etc. when we release negative energy. Considering how inconvenient or even scary the release of strong negative emotional energy can be, we need to have effective ways to release this tension ready to go.
First and foremost, regularly practicing relaxation and stress management will go a long way to managing this tension, but you still need a few ideas in your toolkit. For example, try:
- Taking slow, deep breaths until you are calm.
- Removing yourself from the situation if possible, even if that means going to another room or throwing on some headphones.
- Exercising or going for a walk.
- Writing in a journal or a letter to someone. Decide later if it should be sent.
- Clearing your mind with a guided meditation or visualization exercise.
- Practicing gratitude. Make a list of everything you are grateful for in life. Keep it handy and add to it often.
- Taking time to address your own needs with self-care. Consider each dimension of wellness.
- Spending time in nature or places of spiritual significance.
- Talking with someone you trust that will listen without judgement or attempt to fix your problem.
While “venting” is sometimes helpful when emotions are running high, continuously sharing your frustrations with lots of people may only serve to keep those feelings alive and can sometimes exacerbate the situation.
9. Get Help When Necessary
We all need help from time to time and seeking help for your emotional wellness is no different. Sometimes, emotions can be so complicated, intense, or worrisome that it isn’t a good idea to try managing on your own.
When To See A Mental Health Professional
According to GoodTherapy.com, when your thoughts or emotions (especially those listed below) are interfering with daily life or could cause harm to yourself or others, it’s time to get help.
- Overwhelm. You might feel like you have too many things to do or too many issues to cope with. You might feel like you can’t rest or even breathe. Stress and overwhelm can lead to serious physical health concerns.
- Fatigue. This physical symptom often results from or accompanies mental health issues. It can indicate depression. Fatigue can cause you to sleep more than usual or have trouble getting out of bed in the morning.
- Disproportionate rage, anger, or resentment. Everyone feels angry at times. Even passing rage isn’t necessarily harmful. Seeking support to deal with these feelings may be a good idea when they don’t pass, are extreme compared to the situation, or if they lead you to take violent or potentially harmful actions.
- Agoraphobia. People with agoraphobia fear being in places where they might experience panic attacks or become trapped. Some people may become unable to leave their houses.
- Anxious or intrusive thoughts. It’s normal to worry about things from time to time, but when worry takes up a significant part of your day or causes physical symptoms, therapy can help you deal with it.
- Apathy. Losing interest in usual activities, the world around you, or life in general can indicate mental health issues like depression or anxiety.
- Hopelessness. Losing hope or motivation, or feeling as if you have no future, can indicate depression or another mental health condition. Feeling hopeless from time to time, especially after a period of difficulty, isn’t uncommon. But when it persists, it may lead to thoughts of suicide.
- Social withdrawal. Many people feel better when they’re able to spend at least some time alone. Introverted people may need even more time alone than others. But if you feel distressed around others or fear being with other people, therapy can help you understand and deal with these feelings.
NEVER be afraid or embarrassed to seek assistance from a trained professional. This is responsible self-care.
Emotions are not something to be belittled or dismissed, but physiological responses to situations we encounter in life. They are just as much a part of our health and well-being as any other physical sign or symptom of wellness and should be given proper credence and attention.
10. Find Balance Across The Dimensions of Wellness
Finding balance across the other six dimensions of wellness is another way to improve your Emotional Wellness. Each of the dimensions impacts and influences the others, so it can be helpful to focus on one dimension to help bolster another, like Emotional Wellness. For example,
- When we are physically healthy and well, we feel better about ourselves. Our self-image and self-esteem improve.
- Having a strong social connection to loved ones and your community promotes empathy, compassion, and resilience.
- Cultivating a spiritual practice allows you to see the bigger picture and makes reframing much easier.
- Intellectual wellness helps us better understand ourselves and learn new ideas and methods for personal development.
- Spending time in nature and soothing environments helps quiet the mental chatter and allows you to see more clearly.
- Contributing to society in a meaningful way, through the work you do outside the home and in helps you feel capable and important.
As you can see, emotional wellness and mental health play a huge role in our day to day lives, not to mention our overall health.
As you begin to recognize and identify your emotions and the thought patterns that follow, you’ll be able to see how much of your life is affected. For example, your general outlook on life, the way you respond to adversity, how you view yourself, and even how you treat other people.
Embracing Your Emotional Wellness
As long as the stigma of mental health exists, we risk the health and well-being of ourselves and loved ones.
By modeling and practicing emotional wellness and prioritizing mental health we are helping future generations feel more empowered to prioritize their own.
Take time to address what you are feeling and why without rushing. Pay attention to your thought patterns and tell your inner dialogue (or super annoying gremlin, as I like to refer to it) to “shut it” when necessary.
Remember that your perception of life and its events can be dictated by your own personal filter. You can choose to see things differently and you can choose to let things go when you are ready.
Recognize what you can and can’t handle on your own and seek help when you need it.
And lastly, remember to “welcome and entertain them all” and greet each day “with a forgiving spirit”.
RESOURCES
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/mental-health-strengthening-our-response
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4471980/
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/stress
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